It was a small thing—barely worth remembering, really. I was at a coffee shop, wedged into a tiny corner table near the door. Someone brushing past bumped my bag, and before I even thought about it, I blurted out, “Sorry”
It wasn’t my fault. My bag wasn’t in anyone’s way, and the other person hadn’t even looked back. But there I was, apologizing to no one, shrinking myself down like I was somehow too much for the room.
Later that day, it hit me: I do this all the time. Apologizing for things that don’t need an apology. Taking up less space, less time, less everything, as if my presence is an inconvenience.
Maybe you do this too. You say “sorry” when someone interrupts you. You soften your opinions to avoid conflict. You step aside, literally or metaphorically, to make room for others, even when there’s already plenty of room.
That moment in the coffee shop was a wake-up call. I decided it was time to stop apologizing for existing.
When Did We Start Apologizing for Everything?
The habit of over-apologizing doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It’s something we’re taught, often without realizing it. Maybe it comes from being told to “be nice” or “not make a fuss.” Maybe it’s the subtle social conditioning that says other people’s comfort matters more than our own.
For me, it started early. I learned that politeness meant being agreeable, and being agreeable often meant staying quiet or fading into the background. I apologized for everything, even things beyond my control—rainy weather, long lines, someone else’s bad mood.
At first, it seemed harmless. But over time, I realized that my constant apologies weren’t just words. They were shaping how I saw myself: small, unimportant, easy to ignore.
The Cost of Shrinking Yourself
When you spend your life trying to take up less space, you start to lose parts of yourself. You hesitate to share your opinions or assert your needs. You second-guess your decisions, worrying more about how they’ll affect others than whether they’re right for you.
A few years ago, I was offered a leadership role at work—a position I had worked hard for. But instead of celebrating, I hesitated. Was I really ready? Would I let people down? Did I deserve it? I almost turned it down, afraid of being “too much” or overstepping.
Looking back, I see how my instinct to shrink held me back. Saying yes to that role was terrifying, but it was also one of the best decisions I ever made. It reminded me that taking up space isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
Learning to Take Up Space
Breaking the habit of over-apologizing isn’t easy, but it starts with small steps. For me, it began with becoming more aware of my words.
The next time I caught myself apologizing unnecessarily, I paused and asked: Am I actually sorry? If the answer was no, I rephrased. Instead of “Sorry for bothering you,” I’d say, “Thanks for your time.” Instead of “Sorry for the wait,” I’d say, “Thanks for your patience.”
At first, it felt awkward—like I was being rude or pushy. But as I practiced, I realized something: Most people weren’t expecting an apology. If anything, they appreciated my confidence and directness.
Taking up space isn’t just about words, though. It’s about how you show up in the world. For me, it also meant:
- Owning my decisions. Saying “yes” or “no” without overexplaining or justifying myself.
- Making room for my voice. Speaking up in meetings, even if my ideas weren’t fully formed.
- Claiming my physical space. Sitting comfortably instead of perching on the edge of my seat.
Why You Deserve to Be Here
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned is this: You don’t need permission to exist. You don’t need to apologize for taking up space, for having needs, or for wanting more.
When we shrink ourselves, we miss out on opportunities—not just for success, but for connection, growth, and joy. We deny the world our full, messy, beautiful selves.
And here’s the truth: The world needs you. It needs your ideas, your presence, your voice. Not the watered-down, half-apologetic version of you, but the real you—the one who’s not afraid to take up space.
No More “Sorry” for Being Yourself
These days, I still catch myself apologizing sometimes. It’s a habit, after all, and habits take time to unlearn. But now, I see those moments as opportunities to choose differently.
When I feel the urge to shrink, I remind myself: I have every right to be here. So do you.
If you’ve been apologizing for taking up space, maybe it’s time to stop. Try saying “thank you” instead of “sorry.” Take up that seat at the table. Raise your hand. Speak your mind.
You’re not too much. You’re exactly enough.
And you deserve to be here—no apology required.
