We all have an inner voice that loves to pipe up at the worst possible times with endless insults and criticism. That nagging stream of self-doubt delights in poking holes in our confidence and sabotaging our efforts before we can even get started. Sound familiar?
“That bar looks wayyyy too high, no way you can clear that.” “Why did you even sign up for this? You’re just going to lose.” “Everyone is watching and judging you hardcore right now.”
We can be our own harshest critics, beating ourselves up over perceived flaws and failures with brutal put-downs that we would never dream of saying to loved ones. But what if we turned that negativity on its head and actually treated ourselves with kindness and compassion?
Mounting research shows that practicing self-compassion can be powerfully beneficial for our mental and emotional well-being. At its core, self-compassion involves acting with the same kindness and understanding toward yourself as you would a close friend. It’s the opposite of harsh self-criticism or beating yourself up.
Here are some of the science-backed benefits to being compassionate with yourself:
Lower stress and anxiety: Self-criticism is linked to more stress, anxiety and other negative emotional patterns. Self-compassion acts as a buffer against this negativity.
Greater resilience: It’s easier to recover from failures and setbacks when we treat ourselves with compassion rather than merciless self-flagellation.
Increased motivation: Harsh self-criticism often leads to feeling unmotivated. Self-compassion boosts drive by encouraging you to keep trying while being caring toward yourself.
Better performance: Studies show self-compassionate students achieved higher GPAs and self-compassionate athletes had greater endurance than endlessly self-critical ones.
Healthier habits: Self-compassion makes it easier to make positive changes, since self-judgment and rumination are reduced while self-care and personal responsibility increase.
The key is learning not to run yourself down constantly, but instead treat yourself as you would a dear friend. That means catching when you’re beating yourself up, then actively replacing those critical inner voices with ones of kindness and encouragement.
For example, if you find yourself thinking “Ugh, I’m so bad at this. I’ll never be able to do it,” reframe it with self-compassion as “Everybody struggles sometimes. This is hard, but I’ll keep making an effort and doing my best.” Notice how the second approach is firm yet supportive of yourself, rather than demoralizing and self-punishing.
Being self-compassionate is a daily practice that requires ongoing effort to master. But overwhelming research shows the payoff in terms of fueling mental health, achievement and general well-being is absolutely worth it. So start showing yourself a little more kindness and compassion – your success may just depend on it
